Give me the most powerful pistol An American stepped into a gun shop,"Give me the most powerful pistol.""How many bullets do you need?"The American walked to a telephone booth,"Hello. Is that the...
Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its ineff...
PlagiarismA friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This...
Class and Ass Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today." A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c". Later Professor...
I Don't Know Her A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't...
The Same Service A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. "When I was first married, I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my...
A Dissolute Husband What a world of pathos in this： A barren room，illkempt children，a worn out patient wife，a dissolute husband，and weak． “Mary， you ought to have married a better man．” &ldqu...
Millionaire CEO: "My wife made a millionaire out of me." Assistant: "What were you before?" CEO: "a multimillionaire." 百萬富翁 主管人：我妻子使我成為百萬富翁。 助 手：以前你是什么？ 主管...
A Trip to Disney On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I adn our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we hea...
Twin Lobsters Once I had achieved success as an entertainer, I wanted to impress my Mom. I brought her to Las Vegas for dinner at Caesar's Palace. Among other items, the menu listed "Twin Lobsters...
An Old Couple's QuarrelA couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind, cried: "I'll law you to the Cir...
Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop." Two days later he received...
Keys? Kiss?A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he ask...
Part-time Job When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked. "It was great, Dad,"...
Flunking MathMy son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student."Mom,...
Imitation A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got somet...
Bedtime Prayers Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy." Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie...
I'm Glad A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?""Please, teacher," said a s...
I Taught the TeacherMother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?" "Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I...
A Baby Sister Nurse: Don't you like your new baby sister, Johnnie? Johnnie:She's all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now he'll think I'm trying to...
Things Have Been Okay A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then o...
Best Reward A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. "The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing abou...
Perfect Match A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none com...
Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience. 耐 性 垂釣者：你已經盯著看了三個小時了，你干嘛不自己...
Only Once A novice lion tamer was being interviewed. "I understand your father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried. "Yes, he was," the man replied. "Do you actually...
Starstruck I have been starstruck since I was a little girl, so I was delighted and practically speechless not long ago when I spotted the actor Ernest Borgnine walking in my direction on Ne...
Keep the Change One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make thei...
